He's here! :)

Baby boy is finally here and I couldn't be happier. I should be sleeping but my heart is just so full it could burst. I love how being a mom means your heart can grow exponentially with each child. It really is a miracle!  I'll share his birth story later but just wanted to share how grateful I am to have him here, happy and healthy. He is perfect and has the softest newborn hair and chubbiest squishy cheeks. He's in the nursery now so I can "rest" but seeing as how that's working out (lol) I should probably just get him now ;)

Good night, world!

Elina, you will be the death of me!

Holy shit balls tonight SUCKED.  Sorry, excuse my language but Elina almost put me into early labor tonight. I am seriously the worst and most impatient mom alive. I almost killed Elina tonight because her cry gets under my skin and makes my blood boil, literally. I read the girls books and sent them to bed like usual and started to clean and do some laundry. Went into to their room and noticed that Talanoa was awake (probably because she napped). Anyhow, long story short Talanoa started fussing for me to stay with her but because I was doing chores I kept saying no. She ended crying and woke up her sister and that is where all hell broke loose. 

Elina half woke up and started crying and wouldn't stop. I tried to console her but I couldn't understand what she wanted so her crying got louder and louder which made me angrier and angrier. I ended up spanking her which, of course, just made things worse. By this point her cries are OUT OF CONTROL. You'd think someone threw her off a damn balcony or broke her arm. That's how ridiculously loud and annoying her cry was! Anyways, Vili came in frustrated because I was yelling and being crazy and because he's trying to sleep for work (has to wake up at midnight to leave) but only made things a million times worse. I yelled at him to leave then continued to threaten and scream at Elina to shut the hell up. Who says that to their kid? Took over half an hour to get her to calm down. I'm surprised she is still alive. 

I wanted to kill her!!! Seriously guys, I know I sound crazy but I don't know what to do. When she cries I just get angry. At least 95% of the time I get angry instead of motherly and concerned and that is not normal. I cannot handle her cry! I need to figure something out or I will for sure end up in jail. 

Sincerely,

Worst Mom in the Universe 

Update #2 on Baby Boy

Waiting to see the specialist for the past week has felt like an eternity but today was the big day.  My ever-so-thoughtful husband decided to take the day off so that I wouldn't have to stress about anything and so he could be with me at the appointment.  I just love him!

Anyhow, things with baby boy are looking great!  My appointment today was with a perinatologist (doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies, basically) at Utah Valley Hospital.  The doctor I saw today was amazing!!!  Have you ever fallen in love with someone instantly?  That's how I felt about this doctor.  She gave off such positive vibes that it was hard not to be hopeful around her.  Enough about me loving this doctor and back to baby's update.

We got to see baby via ultrasound today and he is growing just fine and is measuring a little big just like his sisters.  Got a vaginal ultrasound as well to check out my placenta placement and to see how my vasa previa was looking.  Based on the ultrasound they did today, I don't have any signs of vasa previa!  Exact opposite of what I was told in my vaginal ultrasound last week.  The doctor found ZERO blood vessels/umbilical cord in the way of the birthing canal.  It's a miracle and such a huge huge relief!  My placenta is still low (about 1cm away from my cervix) which is not ideal but it means that I can still try to give birth vaginally.  If I start bleeding during labor then they will just perform an emergency C-Section but baby doesn't have to be born premie!!!  Who knew that the ability to feel contractions and having my water break would bring me such happiness?!  Lol.  I cried so many happy and grateful tears today and I will probably be crying about it still when baby boy gets here!  I have to go back for a follow-up in four weeks but the doctor is hopeful that things will remain positive.

Have you ever felt like you could literally feel the Lord's hand in your life?  This is definitely one of those times for me!  In the past few weeks I have felt His presence so close and have felt so reassured in all the good and bad that has been happening in my life.  I feel so blessed!  Thank you for all your prayers and reassuring texts.  It has meant the world to me!

Update on Baby Boy

At my 20 week ultrasound I found out that I had a low lying placenta and that I would need to have follow-up ultrasounds to check up on it. I was told and read online that 90% of the time the placenta will move up and out of the way of the birth canal making vaginal birth very likely still. Well, I am 28 weeks now and I went back in today for a follow-up ultrasound. Unfortunately, it was not good news.

I have a rare condition called vasa previa which in a very brief and simple description means that there are blood vessels (part of baby's umbilical cord) that are blocking the birth canal making my pregnancy high risk. What makes this so high risk is that those blood vessels could rupture at any time which is very dangerous for baby boy :(  This doesn't affect baby's physical development in any way. The danger comes during labor and delivery. Here's a pic to explain it a little better. 

I have to go see a specialist on Tuesday where they will run some more tests to see exactly what we're dealing with and what we need to do from here on out. From what I read online (I know I shouldn't have googled it but I couldn't help myself) it looks like I'm very unlucky because this happens in 1/3,000 pregnancies. I'm also very lucky at the same time to have been diagnosed early so that baby and I can be monitored. Usually, no early detection of this results in the loss of the baby's life because of how quickly they lose blood and oxygen if a rupture occurred. 

It looks like chances of me being put on bed rest are very likely and I will most likely have to have an early C-Secrion scheduled somewhere around 35 weeks to avoid any premature rupturing that would endanger baby. Again, this is all from what I read online so nothing is set in stone until I hear from the specialist. Only thing for sure now is that I haven't spotted at all yet (good sign) and that I've been put on pelvic bed rest aka "no sex" starting today. My poor husband! He's sick with worry so I'm sure he could care less but still, it's gonna be a long wait!

Saying I'm terrified about this whole ordeal would be a huge understatement!  I have been crying with worry all day thinking of the worst case scenarios but I know I have to put my trust in the Lord. So far Vili and I haven't told anyone (not even our parents or siblings) because we want to hear from the specialist first and then go from there.  I figured I'd write on here because I can't sleep and no one reads this anyway.  I'll post an update as soon as I see the specialist. If you are accidentally reading this, pray for me and baby boy please!  

Life as of Late

Lots going on here in the Samani household lately!  Here's sort of what we've been up to these past few months.

Pregnancy:
Our 3rd baby is on his way!  A little sooner than planned but we're excited nonetheless. It's so funny how much you forget in between pregnancies until you feel that nausea creep up again and never-ending exhaustion that returns.  This pregnancy I would say has been my hardest of the three.  The first trimester was HELL.  I'm not even really sure how Elina and Talanoa are still alive because all I remember doing was sleeping and throwing up 90% of everyday.  I even had to get an IV one day because I couldn't hold anything down for days.  I cried like a baby because I was starving and my sister in law, Elisha, thought I had a miscarriage.  That's how hungry I was!  LOL!

The second trimester is always the best but that came and left so fast I barely even blinked.  Now, in my third trimester (28 weeks now) I am so extremely exhausted all the time that I could cry.  I have hit the insomnia stage where I can't get any rest at night for too many reasons (too hot, heartburn, mind is racing, kids waking up, etc).  If it's not one thing it's another so I am always on edge because of how tired I am.  Oh, and I can't stop eating.  I eat anything and everything.  I eat out of boredom, people!

Also, my anti-socialism is at an all time high right now.  I am too exhausted all the time to keep up with friends and even family.  I need to get my act together!

Work:
I still work at doTERRA every Saturday which I'm not sure will last long after I have this baby.  Last week was doTERRA's huge yearly convention up in Salt Lake and I worked two 8 hour days and about died.  It was held at the Salt Palace and Convention Center so all the walking I did was giving me nonstop Braxton Hicks.  Proof that I never exercise!  Lol.

Vili lost his job at Provo Canyon School in August which has turned out to be a huge blessing for our family in so many ways.  The day he called me to tell me he lost his job I wasn't too shocked because I knew he had not been unhappy there for awhile now.  I knelt down and prayed before he got home for patience and understanding so that I wouldn't be angry with him.  Let's be real....the timing could not be worse with a baby on the way but I really think that prayer made all the difference in the world.

It took about a month of Vili applying for jobs left and right for him to land a job a great with Big D Construction, a job that he actually wants to pursue and hopefully turn into a career.  Score!  When he landed the job we both cried, well mostly me (lol), because of how blessed we have both felt during this small trial.  I really have gained a testimony of enduring trials with a positive attitude.  Vili's hours at Big D have been long and crazy and we might finally be seeing the end of our government assistant days (insert dancing emoji here) and I couldn't be happier. 

Pre-School aka "My Sanity Pill":
Both girls got into the Headstart Preschool while Vili was unemployed.  Another HUGE blessing that came from him losing his job.  They both love it!  Still some separation anxiety when they get dropped off but they are all smiles when I pick them up.  They go from 12-3:30pm and this part of my day is probably the only thing keeping me sane right about now.  I used to try to be super mom and do tons of stuff around the house while they were gone but now I just focus on eating a good hearty lunch and taking a long nap.  It helps to keep momzilla far away and also gives me the energy I need to get dinner ready and do the nightly routine with the girls since Vili's work schedule is so hectic.

Elina got switched to a new class this week last week so that her and Talanoa could both start at 12pm (Elina was starting at 12:30pm which SUCKED....for me anyway) and she's been having a tough time adjusting to new teachers and friends but we take it one day at a time.

Co-Sleeping:
Is finally over!!!  I can't take all the credit for this because it was mostly Vili's doing.  This was another huge blessing of his month long employment search.  One night he finally decided that we needed to cold-turkey it and just put them in their room.  It has not been the easiest transition for them or me but now I have space in my bed for my big prego belly and my biggest baby, Vili.  Ha!

To help ease the girls into their rooms we are being forced to do a nightly routine with them to give them structure and it's been working.  I am so anti-structure because I'm too lazy but they need it.  When we get home from school they usually play with friends for an hour or so until it's time for dinner. After dinner they have some free time to color, watch a movie, or play then we give them a bath.  After bath it's family prayer then story time.  They each get to pick a book and we read to them in bed.  Most nights we wait for them to fall asleep before leaving their room but these past few nights they've put themselves to bed.  Doubt that will last but I'll enjoy it while it does.

Neighbors:
Elina and Talanoa have been playing with our neighbor friends almost every day since the summer started.  We have lived here for 3 years and have never really gotten to know any neighbors because we're antisocial and our families are so close by but this has been such a huge blessing lately.  There's a bunch of little girls their age that they play in the courtyard with almost everyday.  We've gotten to know the Slater's really well because of it and they happen to have two girls, Abby and Lexi, who are the same ages as Elina and Talanoa.  It's been a great experience for us and especially the girls. 

When It Rains, It Pours

Learning to appreciate life's trials has never been my strong suit. Thankfully, this time has been different. Life has been rough for our little family this past week and it just keeps on coming. 

I'm just grateful to see the Lord's hand in my life even through our trials. I see many small and simple blessings amidst the storm and I'm grateful. Grateful for many things but most importantly the ability to see far past these trials with my eternal glasses on. Sometimes I take them off and complain and get stressed but when they are on I know that everything will be ok. 

Last Sunday we taught our class about David and Goliath. The lesson talked about how we can view problems as stepping stones or stumbling blocks depending on our attitude. Funny how these lessons sometimes seem more geared toward me than to my primary class. Anyhow, just trying to stay positive and remember that everything happens for a reason. 

The hills are alive....

At Rock Canyon Park where I died ugly at my first Utah Valley Fit Mamas workout.  Lol.  Running up those hills were dreadful and the saddest part is that we ran the smallest hills there!  Lol.  We threw in some push ups and abs in between the hill sprints and called it a day.

The weather was goooorgeous today so the kiddies ran wild while we worked out then we headed to Dom's.  The kids played in the sun for hours while we busied ourselves making trek buckets for Dom's YW only to find out the due date was next Thursday not today!  We are definitely sisters!  Lol.  The padded buckets turned out so great though and I can't wait to make mine :)  Oh yeah, Vili and I got called to be a Ma and Pa for our stake youth trek in Wyoming this upcoming June.  I'm always in the primary, nursery, or relief society so I don't get much time to interact with the youth in our ward.  I'm so excited for this opportunity and the chance I have to get to know our youth better.

Today was a great day!

Sunday Inspiration

During our relief society lesson I had a strong impression in my mind that my family needs to be more active in our ward activities.  It had nothing to do with the actual lesson but my mind was wandering with the different comments being given and that is what stuck with me.  It was our ward conference weekend and there is so much we missed out on because we were either too lazy or just too lazy.  That's really what it comes down to.  I can probably count on one hand the ward activities we attend together as a family on any given year but hopefully that will change.  When we got home I told Vili my thoughts during our lesson and he said a similar thought crossed his mind during his lesson in priesthood.  Coincidence?  I think not!  We decided that we will make more of an effort to attend all the ward activities, whether we want to or not, so that we can supportive of our amazing ward and leaders.

Fitness 101

I probably should have titled this blog post Fitness -101 because I think that might be more accurate.  Lol!  2014 marks the first year that I have ever included fitness into my yearly goals.  Anyone who knows me knows that working out is definitely not my forte.  The closest thing to physical fitness that I've done is dancing and I stopped doing that when I was pregnant with Elina way back in 2009.  Depressing!  Since then I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters and my body has been not so blessed with lots of changes!  I'm sure everyone out there is thinking, "Is this girl serious?  She's still skinny!" but I assure you I am just "skinny fat" and looks can be very deceiving.  Anyhow, this year I've decided it's time for me to get fit!  I want to be healthy in a aspects of the word: physically, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually.

The more I learn about health and fitness, the deeper my knowledge is about how much our Heavenly Father loves us.  He gave us the Word of Wisdom because he knew that one day we would live in a world where diseases are rampant due to unhealthy lifestyles.  I am gaining a testimony of how important our physical bodies are to our mortal experience here on Earth and I'm finally starting to realize how much our agency with regards to health and fitness affects our everyday lives.  I am learning how amazing our bodies are and how adaptive they can become to good and bad habits.  It really just amazes me!

One of the main reasons I'm doing this is because I want to learn to love myself.  Like truly love myself, inside and out.  I want to be able to teach my kids to love themselves and appreciate the bodies they have been given and to treat them well.  What better way to lead than by example, right?  I so wish that was easier said than done!  I'm sure this will be the most mentally challenging thing I have ever done but I am excited and look forward to getting that bikini body that will look just as amazing under modest clothing ;)  Lol!

Graduating to Primary

Gosh I wish I didn't stop writing my boring monthly posts about the girls!  Lol.  There is so much about them that I don't want to forget!  Like how Talanoa tells on anyone who says naughty words and how she almost always tells the truth even when she did something bad.  If it's not the blunt truth it's a blunt lie.  LOL!  I will miss how they both wake up in the morning saying "Goooood mooooorning mommy!" or how Elina's favorite line as of late is "Be happy!" with the poutiest face.  I love that they know their whole name and who they are named after.  They even know that my name is Lavinia and daddy's name is Viliami.  What the?  Hahaha!  I will probably even miss the naughty things they do and how they whine and complain 90% of everyday and how frustrating it is!  Seriously, only a mom can say something that crazy!  Lol!  I know I've been on too long of a break from my blog but this is a memory I never want to forget!

For a little while now I've been explaining to the girls that Elina will be moving to primary (class...according to them) while Talanoa will be staying in nursery.  They've been attached at the hip since birth and this was a huge change for them so I was trying to prepare them.  I knew it was weighing especially heaving on Talanoa when one morning she woke up and the first thing she said to me was, "Mommy, is Elina going to the big girl class?  Can I go too?"  So sad!

Well, last week was Elina's little intro to primary and she loved it.  She ran out of nursery like she didn't even know who I was.  Lol!  Before Elina left nursery she promised Talanoa that she would be back to pick her up.  How precious is that?!  Anyway, after she left Talanoa was having a little meltdown so we decided to sneak into primary so that she could see Elina was fine.  Elina was at the front of the room getting introduced with a few others to the entire primary.  She was so quiet and reserved I almost didn't recognize her.  The cutest moment is when Elina saw Vili amongst the crowd (we teach the 10 & 11 year olds) and started waving with the hugest smile on her face.  I almost cried!  Lol.  Nope, not pregnant and definitely was not expecting to be that emotional.

Here is a video of when they were singing to Elina.  So glad Vili recorded this!

Surprise FHE

When I got home from work last night I was greeted with an FHE lesson prepared by my husband and kids.  It was the best gift ever!  Vili taught them about the phrase "I love you" and drew out pictures that said I love my family and I love Jesus.  When I got home the girls held up the pictures and taught me all about it.  This is definitely a moment worth remembering :)   

Will post pics later

What is considered blogworthy?

I stumbled across one of my teenage journals late last night during my insomnia and it was kind of amazing and embarrassing all in one.  First of all, did I really talk like that?  Lol!  Anyhow, reading through so many memories that I recorded and forgot about was indescribable.  Some things were not so noteworthy and very immature but there were other entries that made me want to cry from joy because I recorded them.  Point is I re-learned the importance of journaling hence this blog post after a long hiatus.  I decided last night while reading my journal that everything is blogworthy whether it is big or small.  I want to remember everything about my babies because they are growing up so quickly.  I want to soak in their childhood years long after these memories have faded.

Baptism for the Dead

I've been really emotional lately.  To the point where I'm wondering if I'm pregnant.  I know I'm not so I'm not sure what's going on.  I'm here at work reading our lesson for our primary class about baptism for the dead and I can't help but feel the Spirit so strongly.  Anything that is temple related always makes me emotional because I understand the sacred responsibility we have while we're on this Earth to help those who have passed on.

Back to the lesson.  In the lesson it tells us to remind the kids (we teach ages 10 and 11) that if they stay worthy they can perform these ordinances for those who have passed by being proxies for them once they are twelve.  A few kids in our class have already turned twelve this year so this hits home even more.  The part that got me all teary eyed was a story about patriarch who went to watch baptisms for the dead one night and saw the spirits who had passed on, awaiting their turn to be baptized.  It talks about how happy those spirits were that their turn had come to be baptized and they were right there watching it all happen.  I get emotional because I think of myself in their shoes and how grateful I would be to the 12 year old who stayed worthy and was able to help me.

Not sure why but for some reason knowing that the spirits who have passed are present in the temple while we perform their ordinances for them makes things so much more real for me.  So much more personal.  I remember in a stake conference earlier this year the Provo temple president spoke and said something similar about all the ordinances performed in the temple whether it was baptisms, sealings, endowments, etc.  He also said that the veil in the temple is so thin and that the temple is the bridge that connects the living and the dead.

Baby Hungry....Kind Of

Almost always when I think that maybe I could have a 3rd child, reality slaps me in the face! How can I even think of having another one when I can barely handle the two I have now? No seriously! I'm the crazy mom who people judge in the grocery store because my kids are screaming at check out. We all know "that" crazy mom. I am that mom. Sad! It's exhausting! 

Third child of mine, blame your older siblings for your late debut. Lol! Who knows when you'll ever get here but I always wonder what it would be like. On good days I tell myself maybe next year and then on horrible days I say to wait at least 5 years. Lol!

But seriously, I love seeing little newborn babies at church. Maybe I should babysit one so I can get a real dose of what it would feel like to be a mom of 3. Lol! 

Take Me Home

I'm sitting here in sacrament meeting and  all I can think about is what I forgot to do this morning aka shave my legs and wax my stache! It wouldn't be so bad if I I hadn't waited a month to do either. Lol!! It really is thaaaat bad guys! I noticed both on the way here to church and jokingly told Vili to take me back home. I should have persisted because now I can't focus on anything else. Lol! 

Update: I waxed the stache today. Next up, shaving these legs. Lol! 

Take Me Home

I'm sitting here in sacrament meeting and and all I can think about is what I forgot to do this morning aka shave my legs and wax my stache! It wouldn't be so bad if I I hadn't waited a month to do either. Lol!! It really is thaaaat bad guys! I noticed both on the way here to church an jokingly told Vili to take me back home. I should have persisted because now I can't focus on anything else. Lol! 

Baby Steps

I hope I don't jinx myself from posting this but we might almost be a binky free household! It has not been easy and it's not over yet but we are so close! 

Talanoa is down to only using her binky at bedtime which is a huge improvement. Anyone who knows Talanoa knows that once she makes up her mind about something she's sticking with it so its been real tough because she's so attached. So are we to be honest. Lol! 

She did the most awesome thing yesterday and I'm so proud of her. I handed her her binky while I was getting her dressed for the day and she threw it down and said, "No binky! Only for nite-nite".  I could've cried I was so excited! Lol. I wish someone would've been recording because my jaw was down to my knees with surprise! That's the line we usually tell her before she has a full on meltdown.  Sometimes she would even snatch it out of our hands and run away and dive straight into fetal position so we couldn't yank it out of her mouth. It's been real fun I tell ya! Lol

Hopefully the next time I post it will be about how they are gone for good! 

My Sweet Elina

Elina, my three year old daughter, bore her testimony today in sacrament meeting all on her own doing and unbeknownst to us until we heard her sweet voice over the microphone. Can I just say that there is nothing sweeter than hearing and seeing  my children embrace the gospel despite my many shortcomings as a Mom?  It makes me think that maybe I am doing something right. 

Elina walked over to Grandma and Papa's bench like she usually does near the end of sacrament meeting where we assumed she was sitting quietly. Next thing I know she is up at the pulpit with her Aunty Talanoa because she asked to go up there. While at the pulpit she mumbled a few inaudible sentences and got too shy to continue but her willingness to even get up there amazes me! I'm too afraid to get up there! Lol. Maybe this can be motivation for me in the future ;) After sacrament I told her she did such a great job up there and she said, "Oh, you're welcome Mommy! I bear my testimony!" I didn't even know she knew the word testimony.  I'm sure she doesn't know what it means but she's making connections and that's all that matters to me. 

Anyhow, I am so grateful for this child of mine who I know is the oldest for a reason. Elina, I love you so much and you are such a sweet reminder of how much our Father in Heaven loves us!  May you continue to strengthen your testimony and willingness to share it with others as the years go on. 

P.S. As soon as Talanoa saw her sister at the pulpit she went up and stood right next to her. Maybe they're ready for some testimony based FHE's! 

Grandma Status at 26!

I just started working on the flex schedule at the doTerra call center. Why another oncall job you ask? Flexibility. I like the option of staying home when I want and I don't like leaving my kids with babysitters for long periods of time. I like my job there so far but would like to eventually get a real job. Lol!

Anyhow, this job makes me feel ancient. Five years of marriage, a Bachelor's degree, and two children seem to really date a person here in College Town, USA. I guess I never really noticed because I'm never around college students these days other than my family members. When I hear people flirting or see people trying to be extra cute it makes me feel really old! I just have to say that I'm glad I am married and out of that scene.  

My Perfectly Imperfect Life

My life is far from perfect.  Here's a glimpse of life in our shoes as of late:

My kids, yes plural, sleep in our bed still. Crib? What's that? Their playpen? Storage since they were born. They don't have any schedules and sometimes sleep at midnight if we let them. I am horrible at disciplining them so they act out in public and I want to die of embarrassment sometimes.  They repeat bad words and phrases kids ears should not hear. 

We are poor. We are on every government program you can think of but are slowly getting kicked off all of them because we are a hair over the income limit which is good and bad for us.  My husband works full time and I work on-call. You'd think that we would make enough to support ourselves but we don't. If we get kicked off of Medicaid my children will not have any health insurance because we can't afford what is offered through my husband's job. 

What else? I'm sure I could go on and on but you get it. My life isn't perfect. No one's life is. We all face different trials in life whether they be marital, educational, spiritual, physical, etc. As imperfect as my life is, I wouldn't trade it for the world, my basket of problems included. 

We taught a lesson in my CTR 10/11 class yesterday that talked about enduring adversity and I learned something. The Lord promises us that all adversity and trials are for our betterment and if we endure them WELL, we will be blessed. I'm working on the "enduring it well" part because I'm a worrier/complainer. Gotta have more faith!